Somehow I learnt this year that I can never be perfect or anywhere near. I have made many mistakes this year. I have questioned myself, hated myself, felt like running away and hiding and made many many people disappointed in me, and for the first time in my life, I questioned my beliefs and became someone that I was very disappointed in as well. Amidst all that confusion, I learnt that sometimes you cannot please everyone, and that trying your best does not mean that you will get what you want. I also felt that loving someone shouldn't be so hard. I have learnt that everyone has a different way of loving, and I guess that just because it isn't enough doesn't mean that they did not love you... I guess there is only two things to say: Sorry. and thank you.

I will never be cynical towards love. I don't believe in loving with a limit. I used to think that the person who loved less had more power, but loving someone less does not make you any happier. All, or nothing at all, I feel. I think that no matter what, loving someone with all you can makes it something special. It doesn't have to be magical and perfect and all twilight "let's start with forever" moments, but to be able to laugh and cry and sing and dance and be happy. Isn't that what life's ambition is to be about? Not everyone can be a doctor or lawyer or a billionaire, but I guess we can all aim to be happy, at least its something that you can achieve yourself. I am tired of being unhappy, as I have been for much of the year, so I hope that next year, I will be a happier person, a better person, and knowing that I am loved for exactly who I am. I always have this uncanny fear of losing my friends, and I hope that I never would, next year, the year after, ever.

So 2011 flew by, actually, no it sometimes certainly felt like it crawled by. But in 2012, I shall be more punctual, more motivated in work, lose weight by eating healthier, and not being so conscious of how others perceive me. I have got to learn to be confident, in what I do and in who I am. 2011 has been a hell of a year, I learnt, I lost, I gained, and no matter what, I will never lose or doubt myself in 2012. Age is catching up on all of us, and I want to spend my life thinking of the "wow, I did it" and not regret in the what-could-have-beens just because I might be too afraid to take that very first step. For everyone else that stood by even though they may not understand, thanks for being there. and you, have been amazing.

Cheers to a brand new year, filled with many hopes and dreams. To 2012, may you be better than the last.